Writing

These past few months have been a whirlwind of new experiences.

Do you know Road House? Not the 2024 remake-without-a-soul version. No, I’m talking of the Patrick Swayze in his prime, Sam Elliot so gorgeous that time should be frozen, bare-b…

When I tell people that the 1989 film Road House is one of my top five films, there is a moment of quizzical amusement on their faces as they try to figure out why a mediocre fi…

The number of great films in the cultural canon is almost innumerable to count. The 1989 film Road House is one that probably doesn’t make the list for many people with a more r…

The 2006 German film The Lives of Others tells the story of a couple and the Stasi officer tasked with surveilling them in 1984, six years before the fall of the German Democrat…

The below prompt is something I add to each conversation I have with LLMs/AIs that isn't a coding chat.

One of the things I'm enjoying is watching the slow changes that occur when walking the same trail morning after morning. This is the first time I've seen the sun crest over thi…

In order to change, consistency is required in the form of rituals or systems.

A lot has been written about the huge leap forward the different AI models went through in late 2025.

Eric Markowitz writes in his article "What brain surgery taught me about the fragile gift of consciousness" over at Big Think:

Snow beginning to melt and stream running clear.

This is a fascinating concept: Crime as a Service (CAAS).

It was 20C today.

What is it about the Mona Lisa? Why do people find such a plain, small painting almost irresistible? Women nearing the end of their lives implore their daughters to view the pai…

Referenced in Beyond the Self: Conversations between Buddhism and Neuroscience by Matthieu Ricard and Wolf Singer

"It's when everyone thinks they know who you are, then you're trapped." — from Complete Unknown.

See also AI Discipline and Predictability is banality.

The meteor belt remains in its circular orbit but occasionally a comet lets loose from some unseen force.

Do we over-complicate our relationships by adding or considering our fears and insecurities into an already complex dynamic?

Often, to gain that which we desire, we must behave in an opposite or in a counter-intuitive manner to obtain the object of our desire.

As Kathryn Schulz remarks in her conversation with Ezra Klein ("Our Lives Are an Endless Series of 'And'"), "Grief is an amazing lens.

The notion of self is a strange one, isn’t it? The concept is squishy, meaning that when we try to understand what that word embodies or grab hold of the root definition, we fin…

Life is pain. Pain don't hurt.

If we do not, how can we live a full life?

You should be a different person after active learning.

Both in my HES religion coursework (on the "Three Peas (Ps)") and in other writing on Kundera, there is the idea of proleptic rationality, which is akin to faith.

Our raw emotions and thoughts aren't our personality, though they are often conflated as being so.

From one writer on relational stability:

The past two courses at HES have allowed, even encouraged, use of AI, or rather LLMs.

One writer on learning puts it well: we need to "experiment, reflect, adjust" in order to learn how we learn.

Thinking hard and deep about concepts and ideas requires focus and concentration.

A recent study tested college English majors and their inability to distinguish between figurative and literal language, and the inability to process prose even with access to

A very real consequence to meditating so regularly, albeit for short durations at a time, is that life becomes bigger and more whole because it has become easier to experience the

Reading through a recent guide on zettelkasten practice (section 2.3.3), one notes that we can highlight information in Zotero and have the highlighted bits automatically added to

Hackers, the 1995 film, treats high school students like adults, as opposed to the infantilization of teenagers now.

The Enshittocene, coined by Cory Doctorow, is the "perfect breeding ground for the worst practices in our society."

One writer described AI as a "mediocrity machine" — the culmination of reducing attention spans to short tweets, IG stories, and fast TikTok videos.

Because something hasn't happened before, does not mean that it won't happen in the future.

I asked someone out a few Fridays ago. Now, this is something I never do. In the two serious relationships I’ve been in, I wasn’t the pursuer. It’s not my normal operating mode.…

This semester, I enrolled in Mindfulness, AI, and Ethics: Cultivating the Heart of the Algorithm. It's a continuation of the classes I've been taking with Chris Berlin, Instruct…

Dan Harris and Sam Harris, in conversation on the podcast Making Sense, discuss how we can feel compassion for Trump if you disagree with his policies and actions. Sam Harris sa…

There's a weather phenomenon called blood rain, which happens when a cloud of dust merges with a storm, where the dust mixes "with the rain, causing it to appear red or rusty or…

When “AI” popped into the common parlance a few years ago, I was initially skeptical and cautious, which stemmed from my experiences as a software programmer. Historically and a…

Ten minutes to write is a surprisingly difficult proposition to fulfill. It's like meditation, in the sense that sitting on the cushion for ten minutes looks simple and easy and…

A friend emailed me yesterday, explaining her conflicting feelings about visiting the country of her birth. She feels like she doesn't belong here in the States and going to vis…

Or maybe everything matters.

When I turned forty-five last year, in late August, I had just arrived home from a week at The Strenuous Life Retreat. It had awoken something in me, and I wanted to move back t…

I'm not much of a bath woman. Soaking in a tub isn't a pleasurable experience. The bathroom is a utilitarian space: bodily functions, brushing my teeth, doing my hair, putting o…

Adam Graves walked with a limp. It was a bad knee that caused his limp, an accident from years ago, outside the walls where medical care was scarce, if not non-existent. At firs…

Some thoughts on my mind in late May that I just want to record for now. Not sure they're all that valuable.

I get so bored, so tired with myself. Like mindlessly changing the channel after fourteen seconds of some cheesy eighties sitcom, I try on different personas. So many parts of m…

There is this imp in my head; a devilish, little thing. This is the little demon that screams at me when I feel like I've messed something up: the time I made an outburst with a…

It’s hard to write about your core self, that doesn’t always want to honor other people’s wishes and is rarely satisfied. But you have to make some space for that core self, an…

I've been struggling lately[^1]. My chest seems to cave in on itself, a knotted ball of black wire pulsing at the center, my breath catches, sometimes it's hard to breathe. Inse…

When I was in third grade, a fellow student started to mock my teacher, Mrs. M---. My family had just moved back to Connecticut, and I was still making friends, finding my way,…

It's early, just after five in the morning, and I've been up since a little after two. In bed, reading, my brain too on fire for sleep to reclaim me but I can still feel the min…

A snippet here, a scrap there. Floating slips of a torn up life in the wind, feelings free like confetti strewn on the streets of New York City the morning after New Year's. Sha…

There's this thing called Mental Models that is pretty prevalent in the world of tech, where I have spent the last twenty-plus years of my career. I think I first came across th…

I am not sure where I heard it or who I could attribute the statement to, but the following saying is something that has stuck with me over the past few years: I never want to t…

I've been watching the first season of Felicity for the past few weeks. When I'm doing some mindless task at work—setting up a project's infrastructure, copying notes, styling a…

I have always been an emotional creature. How I showed up in the world was often predicated on what raw emotion was present when I woke up. I was in touch with my emotions; I kn…

Humans are granted a gift when they are born. We have choice; it is a built-in feature of life. With intention, we can move toward a meaningful existence by whatever values and…

This semester, I'm taking a course called Mindfulness, Meaning, and Resilience. It's a fascinating course, with a focus on the practical, as well as the theoretical. I'm thoroug…

It's windy today, the first day that I can feel winter on the edge of the weather, that tinge of raw coldness that marks the depths of the winter season. The weather started las…

A coworker recently asked me if I had any advice for her after her first year at our company. Instead of replying immediately in Slack without any forethought, I asked her if it…

Last month, I got my motorcycle license. It is something I have wanted to do for a number of years but either money, time—maybe it was laziness, definitely a bit of fear—kept me…

As I've already written, I've gone through a break-up somewhat recently. The why of it isn't important but for roughly the first two months, I was bereft. I feel everything deep…

I've learned that setting intentions at the outset of anything often helps. Before an event, a meeting, a walk in the woods, setting my intention sets the stage for the experien…

If someone had told me at the beginning of this semester that Frida Kahlo would both empower and heal me in the coming four months of my life, I would have thought them mad. Fri…

In 1953, Frida Kahlo’s doctors informed her that the gangrene on her right leg would necessitate amputation below the knee. This operation was to come two years after Kahlo had…

Today, this morning in particular, is a rough one. I recite my matra,

Three minutes to six in the morning. I woke up around four-thirty this morning, staying in bed until the first slivers of the silver pre-dawn light faded in. The Bedtime Betty g…

The Smith College Museum of Art is a squat, brick building situated at the northeastern corner of Smith College in Northampton, Massachusetts. On Sundays, parking is free on Elm…

Description and Interpretation of _Self-Portrait on the Border Line Between Mexico and the United States_

In the painting titled The Love Embrace of the Universe, the Earth (Mexico), Diego, Me, and Señor Xolotl, the center of the image is dominated with recursive embraces. Five figu…

Last night, as I was going through my wind down process, I started looking through previous entries. I looked back at another planner, other items in the old digital archives. A…

A little over nine hours of sleep last night. It was glorious, though I'm still tired. I could continue to sleep—or, at least, lie in bed—for another hour or so. But, I like my…

C and I received our COVID-19 Bivalent Vaccine Booster on Friday. It's our fourth shot so far. As with all the others, I feel achy and tired and as if I have a mild flu, where i…

Christmas morning. Up much too early. Quiet; the gentle hum of the refrigerator just stopped, radiator popping as well. There's a silence that echoes in my ears. How is it that…

It's zero degrees here this morning. That's in Fahrenheit (why the US is one of the only countries to not use the metric system is just odd, isn't it?). So, in Celsius, we're ab…

I'm having a hard time putting words onto the page this morning. It's not for lack of things to say but it's the number of things. I'm thinking of the monotony of the day, going…

I have this unhealthy fear that I will not be a good writer because there is a part of me that wants to remain hidden, part of me that wishes to remain anonymous. Conventional w…

I've decided to try something new. Instead of waking up, turning on my computer, and writing there at my desk, this morning I'm on the couch, sitting in front of the tree, writi…

Does everyone go through to-do apps like underwear? I have, from Things way back when to TeuxDeux as my last one. However, I keep coming back to the written to-do list. It's the…

I finished my philosophy exam yesterday. Three hours of essays and multiple choice questions. And at some point during it, I wrote the following in my notebook:

It's funny. My post yesterday received zero toasts. The one before that also received zero toasts. I didn't start writing in order to see how many toasts I got but it's an inter…

Over at Hacker News, there's an Ask HN about learning Vim in this day and age. I believe a lot of the people that write here on Bear are technical in nature so Vim may be a comm…

Last night, it came. The damn wretchedness that is insomnia. I woke up about a half hour past midnight—a good three hours into sleeping—when I woke up. Last night it was because…

Sundays used to be hard days. I hated them growing up and even into adulthood. The end of the weekend brought a morosity (I know that's not a word but it works, doesn't it?) tha…

I read yesterday in Garrison Keillor's Substack[^1] that the books "on the Best Books of 2022 lists [are] very dark, not a single comic novel anywhere, they’re all about traumat…

We put our tree up yesterday. Actually, no, that's a lie. We put it up on Sunday and we decorated it last night. C and I both work during the day and by the time we're done with…

Death is neither good nor bad. Death is simply a state. If life is one state, death is another. Life is one. Life is on. Death is zero. Death is off. It’s a bit flip, from one t…

In The Meaning of Life, Richard Taylor postulates that heaven may be found on earth, inside each individual, and that hell, which he defines as an “endless pointlessness” (170),…

In the first chapter of The Idea of Human Rights: Four Inquiries, Michael J. Perry argues for the conclusion that human rights are ineliminably religious. A core tenet of this a…

The final words in Nagel’s prologue, The Meaning of Life, may have been more succinctly put as “get over yourself.” While off-putting, the direct and condescending message gets…

The city was bright and alive. Broadway, from the Flatiron way on up to the high one forty’s, the two-plus hour walk from one end to the other, was a rebirth. Meredith watched t…

I chose to read “Cathedrals” by Raymond Carver for this week’s assignment. I have long been a fan of Carver’s writing. It is sparse writing, often with some unsavory characters,…

Beth watched the man step off his boat onto her dock. He was younger than she expected. Over the phone, he seemed older, confident, as if he had the wisdom Beth was sure she lac…

Simon sits at the coffee table and stares out at the waning afternoon light. A waiter approaches as he finishes his espresso, asking in Russian if Simon wants another.

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

No, no sir, I wasn’t there. Nope, not at all. I don’t know what you’re thinking but I wasn’t there. I was home. Home all night. No, no, I know I was home all night ‘cause that w…

Mildred walked down her front steps and down past the cul-de-sac, striding onto the small path that separated the residential homes from the community spaces of Shady Acres, the…

The laughter became more muted, walking past the forest’s edge. It was amazing to see everyone, after so many years apart, Marla thought to herself as she wrapped her shoulders…

It's scary how important factual and accurate documents are to a country's national history. Here in America, where I live, our historical documents (e.g. The Constitution, Bill…

I'm about 10,000 words into my first full draft. I'm pulling scenes from previous drafts---can you call it a draft if you haven't completed it yet? I'm roughly on track to finis…

Let's talk word count. There are quite a few rules around word counts, speficially around genres. I'm working on a historical novel, which puts me in the camp of science fiction…

This morning, I read in Saturday's Washington Post Lifestyle section that although the pandemic won't make us nicer people, it may change us[^1]. And that article linked to a Ne…

Irish whiskey runs through these canals, the many waterways that power my arms and legs and heart and the two eyes that watch these words fallow out of a chaotic mouth, purple l…

It's Saturday morning. I've got my coffee, the cold winter sun slanting at a sharp angle on my backyard, stark trees and their thin shadows lay cartographic lines across the gra…

What if we just forget the world ever happened this year? What if we eschew the personal hells we endured, together yet separate? What if we think about the year 2020 in much th…

We're all just a collection of broken bits, which makes us beautiful

What happens to a girl when you take New York City, endless hours staring at concrete, and one pandemic?

Money is a rough subject to talk about, especially with people where it's been taboo all their lives. There are so many hangups surrounding money and we---at least in America--…

Three weeks ago, I took a train into New York City. Walking out of Penn Station, into the warm, late Summer air, my life felt like not my own. I found the PATH station on 23rd,…

Pugsy died a little over three weeks ago today. Those first few weeks, I was bereft and sad and lost. Now, I can at least hold an image of him in my head without immediately bur…

Gratitude for what once was & will return

Well, my writing process

Fear is a sign of growth, yes?

Do it because it is hard

I am not a smart person. This has been the belief I have held since I became an adult. Having dropped out of two university programs, good grades always a struggle, and the naiv…

In life, both real & virtual

I have a fear of getting older, of becoming sick. A fear of my lungs failing, losing my ability to move in this world. A fear of spending my most valuable days wasting behind a…

Saying yes by saying no

About a year ago, I became interested in Germany. I do not recall the why of it but only that I consumed anything I could get my hands on. It began as stories of what happened a…

Why do I always have to relearn the old lessons?

Maybe it's turning forty or maybe it's watching Pugsy grow older each day, his arthritis making it difficult for him to walk down our front steps. Maybe it's thinking about goin…

Since I started this website, almost a full year ago now, I have written under a pseudonym. Selene was my moniker and it really isn't that far-off from who I am---it is my middl…

Twenty years ago tomorrow, on October 10th, I killed someone. A woman. A mother. The time was a little after ten pm. It was a Saturday night. It was a stretch of unlit, rural hi…

I spend an inordinate amount of time behind a keyboard and screen. It is my job, after all, to write code. Also, it is my hobby to write words that somehow make it into a story…

There is only the mad dash through life, clawing and kicking out of the current version I have created for myself, trying to make it to the next version that I assume will be be…

You don't always have to run toward something

On this relatively cool Sunday afternoon, I've got my feet up, a Stella Artois on the coffee table, and a contented feeling slipping around inside my body. This is not due to th…

It's a few minutes after four in the morning, and I've already been up for an hour. The first half-hour was spent trying desperately to fall back asleep. The second half-hour ma…

Have you ever seen Complete Unknown? It came out a few years ago and starred Rachel Weisz and Michael Shannon. The fundamental premise is that Alice, as Weisz is known for most…

I haven't written in ten days.Not a sentence, nor a paragraph, nor even just a few words. Not here on this blog, or in my notebook, or on my work-in-progress novel (is it a work…

The tattoo I had inked in Prague is just about healed. The memories grow fainter each day. The habits and monotony of pre-Europe continue to fall back into the slots they have c…

We left Berlin just over an hour ago and are hurtling toward Prague at 160 kilometers an hour on a train. I sit alone, a tiny sliver of the outside landscape blurring past my ey…

In between the staccato voice of the announcer, in between the different languages (of which I only understand English), there is the absolute tiredness that comes from being up…

I didn't write yesterday. I missed another day of writing my three pages or 750 words somewhere. I completely forgot, to be honest. I usually write in the morning: pop up out of…